The Langdon List

Volume 9

Dogs and cats contrasted . . . 

Name Recognition

Dog: Yes; always comes running, tail wagging, like a big happy fool.

Cat:  Yes; will come if it thinks food or petting is forthcoming.

Sanitation

Dog: Leaves house.

Cat:  Stays in house, but covers up mess.

Verbal Commands

Dog: Understands and complies.

Cat:  Understands and ignores.

Can it Walk?

Dog: Yes, at a sprightly gait.

Cat:  Yes, but like Marlon Brando on four legs.

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    A priest, minister and rabbi were playing their usual Wednesday round of golf, and started discussing their weekly collections. Specifically, they started to compare how they decided what portion of the collection to keep for themselves and what portion to give to God. 

    The priest explains, “I draw a circle around myself and toss the money into the air.  Whatever lands in the circle I keep for myself.  What ever lands outside the circle, I give to God.” 

    The minister says, “Yes, I use a similar method, except that whatever lands inside the circle I give to God, and whatever lands outside the circle I keep for my personal needs.” 

    The rabbi then proclaims, “Brothers, we are in agreement! I use the same method, as well—except that when I toss the money into the air, I figure that whatever God wants, He can keep.”

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    Old man Murray goes to the doctor with a very worried look on his face.  

    “Doctor,” he says, “You’ve got to help me.  Do you remember those voices in my head I always complain about?”

    “Yes,” the doctor replies.

    “Well they’ve suddenly gone away,” Murray says.

    “So what’s the problem?”

    “I think I’m going deaf.”

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    “In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.”   —Jan L. A. van de Snepscheut (remember that name)

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    Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the most tempting moment.—Benjamin Franklin