A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago biting his finger nails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, “Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?”
The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. Seconds later she comes back with a drink. He downs it quickly and stops shaking.
Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees the same man shaking and biting his nails. She brings him another drink which he swallows immediately. A half hour later she returns to see that the man is shaking uncontrollably, and apparently crying.
“My heavens,” the attendant says, “I’ve never seen someone so afraid to fly.”
“I’m not afraid of flying,” says the man.
“Then what’s the matter?
Sobbing loudly he says, “I’m trying to give up drinking.”
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While waiting in the car for her husband to come out of the post office, a young mother was playing the “What does this animal say?” game with her three-year old daughter.
“What does the birdy say?”
“Tweet, tweet.”
“What does the lion say?”
“Roaarrr“
“And what does the snake say?”
Mimicking her Sunday School teacher, the girls replied in a sinister voice, “Go ahead, eat the apple! You’ll love it.”
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A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line for judgment. As he stood there, he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the Pearly Gates into Heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.
After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow’s curiosity got the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.
“Excuse me, Prince of Darkness,” he said. “I’m waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn’t help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?”
“Ah, those! They’re all from the Seattle area. They’re too wet to burn.”
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