Jokes—Volume 6

Bad Doctor Notes

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heartbeat had stopped, and he was feeling better. 

Coming from Detroit, this man has no children. 

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Exam of genitalia was completely negative—except for the right foot. 

Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

Healthy appearing decrepit 89-year-old male. Mentally alert, but forgetful.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.

She has had no shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

She is numb from the toes down.

She slipped on the ice and her legs went in separate directions in early December.

Baby was delivered, cord clamped & cut, and given to the pediatrician, who cried immediately. 

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient is crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day-care. 

The patient refused an autoposy.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. B----- to dispose of him.

The patient’s medical history was insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days.

The skin was moist and dry.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. 

While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.