A newlywed sailor was informed by the U. S. Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for two years. A few weeks after he got there, he began to miss his new wife quite badly, so he decided to write her a letter.
“My darling,” he wrote “it looks like we’re going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you, and there’s really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we’re constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind, I would not be so tempted?”
So his wife sent him a harmonica saying, “Here—learn to play this.”
When his tour of duty came to an end, he rushed home to embrace his wife.
But she held him off, saying, “First, let me hear you play that harmonica!”
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The passengers on a commercial airliner have been seated and are awaiting the cockpit crew to get them under way. A murmur is heard in the back of the plane, and a few passengers on the aisle glance back to see the pilot and copilot, both wearing large, dark sunglasses, making their way up to the cockpit. However, the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle; the copilot is using a seeing-eye guide dog. As they pass by the rows of passengers, there are nervous giggles heard as people are thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. But a few minutes after the cockpit door has closed behind them, the engines start spooling up, and the airplane taxis onto the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and shifting uneasily or gripping the armrests more tightly. As the airplane starts accelerating rapidly, people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, passengers become more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less only a few seconds of runway left, the shouts of horror fill the cabin as everyone screams at once, but at the very last moment, the airplane lifts off and is airborne!
Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the captain: “You know, one of these days, the passengers are going to scream too late, and we’re all gonna get killed!”
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A man is sitting peacefully reading his newspaper when suddenly, his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him over the head with a cast iron frying pan. The man screams, “What did you do that for?”
“Why do you have a slip of paper in your coat pocket that says Mary Lou?” she responds.
Still in agony, he replies, “Oh—don’t you remember? I went to the track, and that’s the name of the horse I bet on.”
His wife seemed satisfied and apologized. But three days later, she came up behind him again, and this time, she smacks him across the back of his head with an iron.
“Hey,” he yelled, “Now, why’d you go and do that?”
“Because your horse just called!”
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